1. Teddy Hart- After marrying Ann Coulter, he begins a radio talk show program for his new wife and himself that puts the aging O’Reilly out of business.
2. Sarah McDowell will become a world renowned dancer, with her own troupe. She will inspire millions of young girls and boys to enter the world of dance, beginning a renaissance of dance fever
3. Paulina and Jacqueline will start their own sarcastic, slapstick comedy club, imitating the vertically challenged. The highlight of their show will be their contortion act against a backdrop drawn by Jacqueline. They will be twin twisted thespians, who call themselves, of course, “Twisted Sisters.”
4. Vince Harris will make a living as a movie critic. The movie industry will pay him as a consultant to test their movies, and then spread the word of mouth. In other words, he will own every movie ever made, and be willing to tell you all its great attributes.
5. Sherie will end up on the “Apprentice: Street Smarts Edition”, making her way into the Trump organization by the age of 20. She will be named the heir to the Trump organization at 27, and give new flair and attitude to the expression, “You’re fired.”
6. Devin will become a televised preacher, decrying the evil works of the devil in our popular culture, ie Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and Banana Republic. He will found the New Goth Church of Christ. The devil is in the designer wear, he proclaims, to mass appeal.
7. Steven Beers will spend ten years in the Peace Corps, helping out in third world nations. He will later become an active adviser to Human Rights Watch, working hard to correct government abuses against oppressed peoples.
8. Peter will join the CIA after college, traveling the world on super-secret missions that he has trained his whole life to perform. After retiring from the CIA, he will enter the movies performing as the seventh James Bond in the franchise history. Finally, that roll comes in handy!!
9. Pat Fletcher will play baseball throughout his college years before joining the minors for the next five. The love of the game is strong in him, but he decides to move on, becoming a principal at St. Elizabeth, where he spends his mornings with his feet kicked up on the desk reading about his former team. He will instill his love into the school team, and they will go on to win state 17 out of the 23 years he is with the school.
10. Lauren will be hired by Barbie.com as a fashion designer. She will update the looks on the website and add new style to next generation of Barbie.com fans. She will parlay her love of fashion and of hard work into a lucrative business that will not only leave her looking her best, but with enough bling to blind out the sun.
11. Mike Wilber will become a mad scientist following his family roots. After his third attempt to take over the world, he will succeed only to be stopped by Peter. When Steven Beers finds out, he convinces Peter to let Mike continue because Mike’s sinister plan will actually benefit the people of the world more and bring peace and justice. His mysterious invention is happy joy bubbles, now sold in a facial crème in Sherie’s stores, Re-Re’s.
12. Bobby will go on to document his life in a Fox television show modeled after Family Guy and American Dad. He calls it American Guy Who hasn’t got a life. It is only semiautobiographical. As we know, Fox is willing to air anything. Bobby’s hero exposes simple truths in a sardonic and creative way on a weekly basis at 7:30 Pacific, 8:30 Eastern, every Thursday. It showcases his witty side, and his keen observations of human nature, all blended together with cartoon figures that were left over from a Simpson’s casting call.
13.Will Tombaugh will go on to host Comedy Central’s nightly news program, ”They did what in Washington today?!” Sadly, none of the news will have to be made up. His incredible insight into the oddities of the human relationships will be played up nightly against reruns of the Cosby Show on Nick at Night. He will claim Jon Stewart as his protégé, before wiping Jon off the map with his ratings.
16. Margo will learn four languages before she graduates college. She will use her easy smile and kind words to spread good will around the globe while working to bring world peace.
17. Victoria will go on to start her own advice column. She calls it, “Please!” She puts it straightforward, with no extra jazz. If you’ve got a problem, no one else can solve, and you don’t mind a bit of realism, talk to Victoria.
18. Alexandra will invent an instant messaging software that is not blockable. She will make a fortune selling the software to spammers, third parties, and boyfriends who don’t realize the relationship is over. She will take the money and settle into a nice beach front property on the opposite coast from Victoria.
19. Ryan will continue to take care of his mother, before striking it rich with a business partner who enjoys Ryan’s easygoing personality, leaving his entire fortune to Ryan. Ryan will use it to outfit his mother class and the entire ECC with new computers, buildings, and anything else they could ever want. He puts the rest into an endowment to take care of students and schools in need.
20. Clarke will make his way through Rockhurst University, before returning to St. Elizabeth to teach 4thgrade and coach the school’s baseball team, with Pat as his principal.
21. Paul Jensen will go on to form his band, the Ungrateful Dead. They will tour the country, looking for groupies. While taking a break from the band, he organizes an anarchist organization, the Black Band, threatening to overthrow the government. The plot is discovered when Paul forgets to return his library book, “How to overthrow an unjust government”. The library police get a warrant to search his house for the book, and things go downhill from there. Stephanie will pardon Paul.
14. Alex Keeling will go on to manage bands, such as Paul’s. He will go on to launch the careers of some of the biggest boy band groups as some of the most influential folk groups of the 21stcentury. During his free time, he travels the world bringing to humanitarian causes with Mr. Beers. He will be knighted by the Queen of England.
22. Susan Jenkins will develop her own line of makeup products. She will market it successfully under the product name of Mary Sue, underselling Mary Kay’s product line. Of course, once she has the monopoly on the eyeliner market, the prices skyrocket. She did learn something in history class.
23. Brett will enter politics for the thrill of the argument. As a junior senator, he will set the record for a filibuster (which he put back into place with a little help from Bob Dole), holding the floor for 4 days non stop.
He will cap his career with a run for the presidency. Unfortunately, we all know, senators rarely win a bid for the presidency.
24. Stephanie will run for president in 2040, after a successful career in the business world. She will never forget the friends she made here, and will continue to encounter them throughout her years in business and public life.
15. Alex Roschitz will become a diplomat during Stephanie’s presidency. He will spend many years abroad, talking to foreign diplomats about the greatness of U.S. policy. Thanks to Alex, the U.S. manages to broker peace in several large armed conflicts, saving millions of lives, and reestablishing the role of the United States as global leader.
25. Molly will become a writer of children’s and young adult books. Knowing the pleasure she got from these types of stories, she will go on to create similar stories for future generations. She will never sway with the culture of the time, or the values of the day, but will remain true to her own nature. She will do write what she feels, not what sells, and that is why her works will become classic literature.
26. Kolbe will complete his time at the art academy before moving back into his private life, where he will continue his creative endeavors. He will be responsible for a new school of art: new contemporary fundamentalism, displayed across multiple media. It’s called Skiism. He will complete his book, illustrate himself, and photograph the cover, also.
27. Mike and Paul Burkhart will take their years of military training from their front yard and put it to good use in civil wars throughout Africa. After graduating high school, and buying a copy of Soldier of Fortune magazine, Mike convinces Paul to become a mercenary. They help to stabilize Uganda, allowing Steven and his people in to assist the people. Retiring from the hired soldier life at 31, they purchase Manchester United, and enjoy futbol the way it should be played. With a soccer ball.
28. Frank will move to China after college. He will wander the countryside on a skateboard, getting to know the people. After spending seven years in Tibet, and after attending the funeral of the Dalai Lama, he will be tapped to take his place, being honored greatly by the likes of Richard Gere before touring the world on a mission of peace.
29. Josh Muraski will go on to work his way through school in a one man show at the carnival. He will perform a ventriloquist act with his dummy, Pat. A television producer out with his kids will hear Josh’s voice and cast him for a new cartoon, “Mr. AmIAnnoyin’yayet?”. Josh will go on to marry, his wife skipping the traditional look, and wearing instead camouflage with a bright orange veil and train. The service will be conducted in silence on a deer stand, as it is deer season, and he has not yet filled his tag. Their honeymoon will be spent turkey hunting. Gifts of Winchester shotgun shells, 12 gauge, can be sent to the home of the groom’s parents.
30. Pat Lesage - Pat will stumble across Josh at the carnival one day, joining forces to create an unstoppable ventriloquism team. Problems arise not from Pat having to sit on Josh’s knee during performances, but from Pat’s door being labeled, “the dummy.” Alas, the team splits, and Pat takes over the Dave Chappelle Show.
31. Abby goes into business with her father, before getting her own tv show on the Oxygen network, “You go girl,” a home improvement how to guide specifically for women. She will combine beauty and power tools to prove that tool time is not just a guy thing.
32. Alex Cecena will go on to fall in and out of love with many young ladies in his life. He will join the army, where he meets his wife. Making a career of the military, they will raise a family together, living a long, fulfilling life.
33. Andrew will become a political strategist for a more balanced, more thoughtful, more meaningful third party. He will help redefine politics by bringing common sense back, driving out extremism and bringing balance to the force. When asked about the rise to power, he credits to his collection of holy cards.
34. Emily will be a fashion designer, opening her first store in New York at the age of 25. She will show her outfits on the runways in Milan and Paris, jetsetting around Europe. Her clothing line will become a house hold name. After all, don’t you want to wear Bull Shirts?
35. Erika will reach out to children in need in other countries. Adopting and raising orphaned children, she will travel the world fighting for children’s rights. She will work to close down sweatshops and the companies that benefit from the labor. She will not go down in the history books, but she will adored by millions whose life she effected.
36. Javaun will go on after college to join the NBA draft. He will spend ten years in the league before taking a desk job on ESPN and debuting with his own fashion line, “My Style”.
37. Kaeleb will open a school of dynamic public speaking. He will go on the road with his motivational speeches and make his fortune bringing comfort to the millions willing to shell out $100 to hear another fellow’s sad story of life turned into success. Great job, Kaeleb.
38. Matt will go on to finish George Lucas’ work on Star Wars, Episodes 7, 8, 9, 10, and 11. His dedication to the series and love for Jar-Jar Binks drives him to develop fully Jar-Jar’s turn to the dark side. We were hoping to find out about the children Chewbacca and Yoda have, but alas, that relationship started to late in episode 11, and Matt has said there is no way he will do another three episodes. He is happy with his work at this point.
39. Dominick will spend his high school years learning about aircraft, before gathering the money to buy his own build it yourself kit. He will open a hotel resort in Cozumel and transport guests back and forth in his plane, to his own Fantasy Island.
40. Nicolette will purchase farmland, running one of the largest farms in Missouri. She’s no longer a city girl, but those designer name clothes aren’t lost on the cattle.
41. Stephen follows his mother to her next job, asking for handouts for his friends. He and his sisters purchase Hershey Chocolate’s Kisses Division, after winning the lottery. They rename the company, “Kisses and Hoag’s.”
42. Anna will complete her schooling and move into the world of teaching. Her warm spirit and willingness to reach out to others will win her many awards and effect many lives. She will raise a strong, happy family that will be supplemented by all the many lives she has touched.
43. Mika will continue to delve into her Mexican culture. She will open a school of Hispanic heritage where the language and culture will be stressed. This will provide a much needed bridge in our society between different cultures and help us grow together.
44. Bridget will marry a man who truly believes himself to be Legolas. They will buy themselves some land in the country, heavily wooded, and disappear from the world. Sometimes, a little bit of make believe beats a lot of reality. Dream your heart out, Bridget. Never stop striving.
45. Benny will continue to try to convince young women to dance with him by offering free 100s for class work. He convinces the Smithsonian Institute to accept the Ritz family donkey costume from the preschool Christmas program, as a piece of American heritage. He will end up serving in the United States army with his Cousin.
